Happy holidays! Seasons Greetings.

Today, we're going to interview Santa Claus a bit. We sent Santa a letter recently with the intent of shedding light on this popular fella.

Okay, here we go with question 1.

I recently received a letter from Santa. Santa, where do you find the time and energy to write to everyone? Aren't you just asking for meta-carpal related problems?

Well, Santa doesn't write to everyone. Just those who ask me to, or if someone suggests I write to someone. Other than that I write to a representative sample of all kids. I wish I could write to all of them, but you know, not everyone believes in me. And, many parents would just toss any un-solicited letter they received from me. They don't believe in me so the letter must be a prank.

Energy?

I drink lots of hot cocoa and take a lot of breaks. Hot tubs help, too! And, I like to take 5-7 mini walks every day. That gives me bags of energy.

Meta issues? Ergonomics?

As far as wrist issues, well, I use a special magic pen and a process that allows me to instantly convey the image and thoughts in my head onto the paper. And, yes, each letter is specifically tailored to the person I’m writing to. We're pretty advanced technologically up here!

How do you overcome the skepticism?

Of course, I don't need to. Skeptics love to be skeptical. And, they always will be due to the power of perception, you know, perceptual filtering. This leads us to see what isn't there or dismiss or just not see what is right in front of us. There are many things there that we just don't see. I mean, like radio and tv waves. And, that desk, some people say it's really just a bunch of vibrating strings or something, not actually a solid mass.

First a little backgrounder. I used to send letters from North Pole, Alaska. Why Alaska? Well, you know, contrary to the popular belief, there are no post offices at the North Pole. You have to load everything up and take the sleigh to the specific country's post office and then lick stamps like mad. You prefer not to draw attention to yourself, of course. But, it's hard not to.

I have found out that most people, upon receiving my letter from Alaska, would be like: "Yeah right! Hee-hee. Mom, did you send this?" and they'd 86 the letter.

See, the envelope, stamps, post markings, letter, ink... you can get that at the local store. And, they'd think: "What are the odds that they have the same EXACT envelopes, pens, stamps, post markings, etc. at the North Pole?" Somewhere between 0 and zilch. It just doesn't say NORTH POLE.

Okay, more to your question about skepticism. Well, I decided to start sending letters from my workshop in North Pole, Sweden and, wow, what a difference! For one thing the Santa village is secluded YET not too far from the local post office. This saves me time and effort. I can even hire some regular looking lad to pick up and mail the letters. This way no one ever figures out that Santa is behind it and that he is only a stone’s throw a way.

If you send an elf into the post office people will freak out! “Egad, leprechaun at 3 oclock, run for your lives! Call the cops! Freak alert!”. And, next thing you know, there’ll be a posey out looking for a clan of misfits -- and my cover will be blown like room of dynamite.

Now, if people REALLY knew I existed based on SCIENTIFIC evidence (as certain as they were of their name), it would blow it. As with everything else, they'd get accustomed to it, and it'd be no biggy and all the magic would evaporate. I mean, it's much funner if they think I COULD exist in their imaginations but aren't 100% sure.

Now when people get my letter from North Pole, Sweden, they think: "Could this... be... from the r, real, real Santa? It is so authentic. So unlike anything I've ever received before. It even smells different!". Even the disbelievers are left wondering. This is because the letter comes from a far (and it's very clear to see that it is!) - from an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COUNTRY. The envelope, stamp, post markings, and paper are totally different from anything they've ever seen.

Key pet peeve of Santa.

Fruit cake. That's so... pet rock stone age stuff. I prefer peanut M&Ms, peanut butter cups... but NO... I get fruit cake, egad! Lighten up on the fruit cake, I beg ya!

Santa Claus is picky when it comes to???

Hot cocoa, reindeer jokes, chimneys, sleighs that put out too many Gs when you hit that curve just off the Northeast tip of Iceland, reindeer gas (easy on the beans, Dancer!).

Really, though, Santa isn’t picky, he’s SELECTIVE.

Santa, what can't you do without?

A sleigh, 9 tiny reindeer (actually they aint so tiny), a bunch of elves that work like ants for no pay. Ah, but they love their work.

Can I add a thing I wish I could do without?

Okay, Santa, what CAN you do without?

Well, I'd love to shake this strange innate drive that gets me to fly around the world one day a year. For the rest of the year I'm like: “Whhhha, what was I thinkin? I mean... flying around this big, humongous world delivering presents to people that don't even think I exist? Where's the gratitude? Fruit cake! North Pole to the people: "No fruit cake. Please send Mr. Goodbars.”

You know, 1 fruit cake, or even the dreaded "Fruit Cake Of The Month" subscription could be bearable, that is, if I just got one. But, millions of people have the same idea! The same exact “gift” idea! Where did this idea start, that, when it doubt, send fruit cake?

Not even the reindeer, or the "we'll eat anything" elves will touch the fruit cake.

We get so much fruit cake, year after year. Of course, we have to dispose of it. That has led to the creation of "Fruit Cake Hill", a pile of fruit cake that stands 253, er update, 255 feet tall. I don't know what that is in meters, maybe 2 MUCH! I read an article online saying that scientists have discovered a new mountain at the North Pole. Uh, sorry guys! And, no, it has nothing to do with global changes!

A quote Santa himself dreamt up... and its ramifications.

"Time doesn't fly, it's just that we have instant recollection which deludes us into thinking time has passed by rapidly."

Strange how people say reindeers don't fly... but time? That does? Time flies? When's the last time you saw that happen? I can vouch for reindeers flying... but time? Man, time moves like molasses when things are tough. If that's flying... I'll take the train.

Speaking of time, it is true I can fly fast enough to make time stand still! But, I can never reveal how I do it. If it got out, all havoc would break loose. Trust me, time travel is NOT what it’s cracked up to be. Do it right the first time and you won’t ever need to go back. Too many people are stuck in this melancholy, nostalgic fixation.

*Little known Santa fact:

Santa will gladly write ANYONE you know for ANY REASON, ANY time of the year. He's tired of kickin it all year twiddling his thumbs till that one night (actually 2 nights considering that he travels over the world... and thank heaven for that 2nd night or else... well, this thing just wouldn't go over!). He wants to do more than just sit in a sleigh and slide down chimneys.

Okay, thank you Santa!

That concludes this interview. More tidbits will follow shortly. Be sure to bookmark us and come back often!

To have Santa send you or anyone else a letter, be sure to visit Santa's workshop in North Pole, Sweden.

Just click the link below and Santa will break out his magic pen and write to ANYONE you wish! Click below:

Santa Letters In Time For Christmas

*Brought to you by the Santa Claus Truisms Center